Do you spend every waking moment thinking about paintball? Do your friends call you obsessed? Are you a total paintball nut? Well good! Here's a little something we put together on Rec.Sport.Paintball. Enjoy!
For every "Yes" answer, mark yourself for one (1) point.
You Might Be A Paintball Nut If... |
Shives (Shives@lex.infi.net) |
| 1. ...a classmate answers the teacher's question and you call a paintcheck on him.
2. ...you constantly check your surroundings for cover. 3. ..you see a friend, and have trouble waiting until he "gets w/in range", to say "Hi". |
Brian Lojeck (lojeck@mizar.usc.edu) |
| 4. ...you insist on watching your professor lecture by peeking your head around the SIDE of your desk
5. ...you want to know the time limit and insist on a 5 second count-down before engaging in "relations" with your S.O. 6. ...you check to make sure nobody's looking before cleaning a dead bug "splat" off your windshield 7. ...instead of a rear-window defogger, you're waiting for JT to come out with a CombatVision insert for a Ford Escort 8. ...one of your 10 fingers can penetrate steel, the others are permanently cramped into "Kung-Fu Grip" position |
Kirther (Kirther@ix.netcom.com) |
| 9. ... you contribute to a list about "you might be a paintball nut if... |
Sgtntx (sgtntx@aol.com) |
| 10. ...instead of greeting your friends with "Hello," you say "Check it, Buddy!"
11. ...you own eight sets of camo, but you can only find the dirty, smelly, paint spattered ones when you want to play. 12. ...your kids get battle swabs in their Christmas stockings, whether they play or not. 13. ...you have your teammates' war stories memorized, too. |
Tyger (tyger@luminet.net) |
| 14. ....while driving down the highway you hear a truck blow it's horn, you slam the gas, careen behind a billboard and start screaming as loud as you can "DRAGON BLUE!!!!"
15. ....while shopping at your local grocery store you make notes as to what vegetables will easily fit into your 6X1 harness, and how many bottles of Gatorade will go in easily. 16. ....you travel with your goggles, regardless of the fact it's a business trip and you'll only be in town for 5 hours, 4 of which are taken up with a meeting. 17. ....you have camouflage to match any given terrain. Including a set handmade from a 1974 couch for indoor games. 18. ....you're using Christmas as an excuse to stock up on a lot of 9 volt and AAA batteries. 19. ....you've modified at least 5 'normal items' and used them for paintball. (Example : Your sister's water bottle she uses for her hair to clean your goggles.) 20. ....you have 3 hardside coolers, and about 10 Styrofoam coolers that you purchased at seedy, dirty gas stations to keep your soda cold. 21. ....you have a part of your house that is DEDICATED to paintball. (Bonus points if you have candles, incense, and a shrine to Bob Long or Dave Youngblood...) 22. ....you can name a goggle by it's profile, a gun by it's shooting sound, and a loader by the sound of it's unvelcroing. But you can't remember your wife's birthday. 23. ....you completely understand when someone says they like the RT with AA's 4500 and a SP AA SS 16 with a VL3000. 24. ....your gun has a better looking paint job than your car. 25. ....your goggle inventory is five times the field rental's. 26. ....you make weird animal-based costumes to play paintball in... umm... wait a sec... :) |
Brian Forbes (bforbes@ro.com) |
| 27. ... you go to Sherwinn Williams and ask for Slime Lime. |
Jeffe Hoppe (jhoppe@flash.net) |
| 28. ...you have team gun cleaning and polishing day every Wed. Because you can't wait til Sat.
29. ...you keep seeing excellent field in supermarkets, parking lots, and shopping malls. 30. ...you keep tweaking with your gun (this is for you Brian). 31. ...your on the internet everyday discussing "our industry". {cough} 32. ...you keep working at a field because you can’t afford to play, but have to be close to the action. 33. ...your body demands that you have to stick your hands in cases of paint every week to get that oily feeling. (From bagging paint) 34. ...you keep buying guns, not to have but, "To preserve the history of our sport." (Yeah, right) 35. ...you own more variety of camos than you do pants. 36. ...you keep wondering what the Indian (sub-cont.) Or Rhodesian camo patterns are and how they would perform at other fields. 37. ...you keep buying "just one more barrel." 38. ...paychecks directly correlate to when you go to the paintball store. 39. ...your teammate comes over to your house, parks his car and starts hiding and moving up on you...... knowing full well that you are also hiding waiting for "mock marker" wars. 40. ...making like that cocker slap back noise all the time. 41. ...you go back to work to afford your paintball habit. 42. ...you taped over your daughters first B-day party to get the ESPN paintball games on tape. (This was the only one so far that has NOT happened) |
Primetime (primetym@erinet.com) |
| 43. ...if you walk around town exercising your middle finger so you can get just one more ball a second in the air.
44. ...if you keep yelling "check it buddy" or "get outta there..it's all over you" for no apparent reason. |
Target Indy (cbherring@aol.com) |
| 45. ...you actually have to pause and consider whether or not you're willing to give up a day at the field for a day in the sack with your S.O.! |
Crack (crack@flash.net) |
| 46. ...you catch yourself making "snap shots" in the hall of your house with no gun and nuthin but undies on! |
Mister .44 (san0840@ksu.edu) |
| 47. ...our two kids are named Sheridan (Sherry), and Tippman (Tipper). |
Putr (putr@cyebrsouth.com) |
| 48. ...you get an evil smile on your face when you girlfriend asks you to help her paint her parents' house.
49. ...you can tell the difference between Zap and Rp Schere by taste alone. 50. ...your hands have permanently changed color do to cleaning your gun after a ball bust. 51. ...your gun costs more than car. 52. ...the neighbors cat looks like the cat you saw during a bad trip. 53. ...you know how many balls are in a loader only by shaking it. 54. ...birds, squirrels, dogs, and mailmen are afraid to come in your yard. 55. ...the guys at the post office tells you, "You need to relax." 56. ...the little old lady next door has called the ATF on you more than once. 57. ...your late on your mortgage to make payment 47 on your gun. 58. ...you keep your autococker in your lap while surfing the net and pet it like a lap cat. |
Kennedy (howler37@tir.com) |
| 59. ...you find yourself constantly checking the angles when wandering through the Super K-Mart. |
Pat (debl@erols.com) |
| 60. ...you remember the names and purchase dates of all of your guns and gear, but cant remember your children’s names or birthdays... |
Heather (hrhatvpi@vt.edu) |
| 61. ...you hear a conversation about girlie mags and think of pink paintball guns |
Wilkonson (maverick@hal-pc.org) |
| 62. ...you are constantly building bunkers for your backyard, even though you live in an apartment complex
63. ...you call up fields threatening to light up customer's cars if they don't let you back on 64. ...the field you frequent now has a 5 case buying limit thanks to you |
CMsgt. Rasta (slindoNOSPAM@mindspring.com) |
| 65. ...your wife calls to tell you she wrecked your car and you RUSH to the scene of the accident to check your gear in the trunk.
66. ...your house gets broken into and your Tippmann Pro-Lite becomes a Autococker on the list of missing items. 67. ...you and your co-workers arrange to go to the field at 5pm on a Friday after work and you get dressed in your cammo's at 12:30pm. 68. ...you cause chaos on the elevator at your job because you have your Brass Eagle .68 strapped to your side. 69. ...the security guard at your job puts you on the "List of Suspicious Persons" for the aforementioned incident. |
Rick "Tobacco" Bowen (rbowen@fastlane.net) |
| 70. ...you start selling your non paintball related stuff to get more money for "THAT LAST UPGRADE/GADGET/et."
71. ...you sit at work all day and have Forte Free Agent open all of the time on the screen, checking R.S.P. every 5 minutes for the next post. God, I love a T-1 line. 72. ...you sit at work the day before a big scenario game doing nothing but thinking about tomorrow. Oh well, the work will still be here on Monday. |
Hollywood (flpbpress@aol.com) |
| 73. ...you think "Hollywood" deserves a Pulitzer Prize. |
Jon Cammarata (Cammarata@webtv.net) |
| 74. ...you have read every single one of these posts.
75. ...you always have ring worm |
James Simonson (dharke@hotmail.com) |
| 76. ...You've got more spare parts than your local airsmith.
77. ...you've got enough spare parts to build another 'gun. 78. ...if you ALMOST have enough spare parts to build another 'gun, you go out & buy another 'gun, then take it apart & put your spare parts on instead. 79. ...they know you AND your 'gun(s) by name/sight at all of your local fields. 80. ...you spot a DYE mousepad & just GOTTA have it. 81. ...your Windows wallpaper is the next 'gun you're gonna buy. 82. ...in addition to having shoes specifically for paintball, you have different shoes for indoor & outdoor paintball. 83. ...you know when your local paintball store gets their regular shipments. |
Kurt Lillemon (mendlson@bright.net) |
| 84. ...you constantly smell the swab end of your pull through squeegee.
85. ...you ask your wife or gf to put on camo's rather than her see through teddy. 86. ...the smell of paintballs and co2 is more of a turn on for you than the $300 and oz. perfume you bought your wife or gf. 87. ...you run from the house to my car as though I am moving from bunker to bunker. |
Larry "Liquid" Plummer (liquid@rmci.net) |
| 88. ...your paintball gun costs more than the "diamond" (wink wink) engagement ring you got for your SO.
89. ...your family receives Christmas wish lists from your kids and wonder "When did they have a daughter named (insert gun name here) and why do they want a 114in Raptor?" 90. ...you proudly include your guns in a picture of your son and newborn daughter to send to the folks, and then send it to a paintball mag with a straight face and wonder why the editor thinks your odd. |
Chad Lillemon (eggman@Bright.net) |
| 91. ...you have a stack of paintball magazine/advertisements beside the toilet in the bathroom.
92. ...you would love to be in a big game in a small town, airport, large mall, or college campus. 93. ...you hope that a PBPA (PaintBall Players Anonymous) will never be created! 94. ...if you go to a community college so you can stay home and work for your paintball spending |
Now, rattle off as many companies as you can that make CO2 and HPA air tanks. Give yourself 1 point for each name. Two points after the first 4 names.
For bonus points, name the people who played the very first game of paintball. One point per player. 10 bonus points to name the winner. 30 bonus points to list the time it took that player.
0 | You've never played the game of paintball. Really? How have you gotten this far in life and NOT played paintball? Oh, you really got to try this game out! Really! Wanna learn more? Start at Warpig and go exploring! |
1-25 | Newbie. You can still walk away from the game at any time. Seeing all these raving lunatics out near the woods makes you feel on edge. I recomend you play more paintball, and get to know these people better. They're not all crazy. |
26-49 | Rookie. You've probably been playing for a few months or a year. Odds are you still have a life, and aren't afraid to lead it. Don't worry, You'll soon be one of us... **twitch twitch** |
50-59 | Freshman. You've been playing a while, you probably even have played in one tournament. You know the game, you play the game, you like the game. You've got a small box to hold your gear in, and you like it that way. But you have other hobbies as well. Like, oh, computer games like DOOM, DUKE NUKEM and "Paintball Lemmings" |
60-69 | Sophmore. You still get the adranaline rush when the horn goes off. You're paintgun is hiking up in price, and in worth. You can name all the mail order companies in your country, and you know where to get the best deal on paint. A room of your house is dedicated to paintball stuff. Not bad, but you're still a greenhorn to the big league players. Soon enough... soon enough... |
70-79 | Senior Player. A year ago you bought a paintgun that make the new players change their trousers. It cost more than the GNP of many small countries, is brighter than New York neon, holds more paint than Sherwin Williams, and it's all yours. You have a good portion of your garage dedicated to paintball gear. You play in a small-time tournament league if you can, or you play in the 'heavy hitters' recreational field in your area. Not bad, but you lust for more. More... MORE MORE!!!!! |
80-89 | Big League Player. You've been to Orlando for the last 4 years in a team that placed really well. You have a few sponsors with your team. If not, you should! You know what the story is, you know your history, you live the game. You have a shed out back with nothing in it but paintball gear. Off the field, you talk paintball. On the field, you play paintball. Oh, yeah, you do other stuff too. Like set VCR's to record ESPN... |
90-99 | Paintball Master. You know how to tweak that Autococker to cycle with a gentle breeze. Your team has sponsorship. You've got a gun, or a mod named after you in your local store. You've outgrown the shed, and are looking into another home for your gear. Don't get a big head tho, for the newbie will still find some way to eliminate you when you're on the field. |
100-105 | Paintball Sensai. On your off hand one will find a scar on the index finger, gotten from a Nelspot 007. You have oil-stains on your cammies. You have a pair of UVEX goggles that's seen more play than most field owners. You've been around, and you have nothing to prove. Paintball is life. You should take your time-honored knowledge and teach others. |
105 and up | Woah. You're probably good friends with, among other people, Bob Gurnsey, Randy Kamiya, Bob Long, "Hollywood", Fred Schultz, Jessica Sparks, Jerry Braun, Dennis Tippman Jr., Bill & Adam Gardner, Ken Kelsch, Steve Davidson, Rene & Juvy Boucher, Charley Holton... You know everyone, and everything. Paintball isn't just your life, it's your religion! Oh, and what about that other house behind your house? Umm... well... it IS on "Automag Alley", isn't it? |
Exhaustively compiled By Maverick
HTML Conversion / scoring system By Tyger