Boomer, chillin' at the truck Paintball Sam's October 2 1999

Paintball Sam's, Big Game 2 October 2, 1999 The Sam's big game has been a staple for "Comet" since May of '96, but with Comet being basically trashed I decided to drag out Boomer for it. Besides, I figured that it's about time I get some real use out of it. The TIP guys knew what I was up to, but nobody else did. I registered, chronied, and changed into Boomer. Some background here, Boomer has an official sticker sponsor, "Diablo Paintballs". Why? I asked, and they game me a stack of stickers to hand around to people, my teammates, and so on. They also gave me a jersey which I modified for purpose, I hacked off the sleeves and made it a pullover t-shirt. I like the Diablo I've shot at the Quest and at the Long Island Big Game. I also liked the Inferno I shot recreationally. It's not a sponsorship, it just looks cool. Anyhow, the jersey is a bright yellow thing, and it goes with the blue of Boomer. That's my story. So there. Nyah. Scroll down for more!

The first game was, well, interesting. I know it's taboo to talk about a character from inside the suit but when you read this you'll find it amusing. I've recently gotten a pair of shorts from "Fox Racing" that have padding on the hips and tailbone. They're made for hard knocks and ground pounding. But they're also made for bike riding and pants with a belt. They were not specially made for paintball, and they were NOT made to be worn under a jumpsuit.

How do I know this? While walking out to the field the belt line of the shorts started to ride downwards. I tried to pull them back up, but that only made the problem worse. While walking out to the barrels field, the shorts had managed to ride down, threatening to fall off my body. This wouldn't have been so bad if the band of the shorts weren't snagging my (ahem) briefs and were pulling them down with them. SO.... with every step I took I was losing my shorts, as well as my (ahem) dignity I had under them.

With this in mind, the blue team ran into the white team near the barrels. Instead of charging the front and losing my skivvies I went about mid-pack and started laying down the paint. I don't know how much I shot, I'm guessing almost 400 rounds in a standing shootout. I got a few on the longball, but due to my inaction I got Kendrick eliminated because I didn't want to run to a spot to support him.

Anyhow, I picked off my guys, flanked out wide to sweep the field for white players I knew were out there, and took a solid shot in the chest. Oh well, it was a toe-to-toe deal anyhow. Actually, I was thankful to have been eliminated. Any more walking and, well... around the ankles. That's all I want to say. I changed shorts in my car between games and felt a whole heck of a lot more comfy after that.

Game two was a strange affair. With a renewed confidence and sensible undergarments I went on full attack. Now, get this. This is Boomer. Boomer is not a camouflaged critter like Comet is. Bright blue body and face, yellow jersey, Diablo stickers on my hoppers...

...and in spite of this I crawled up on 5 guys and just laid waste from 30 feet. ???HUH??? 5 guys, with head shots, and they never saw me crawl on them in the center of a trail?!? HUH? Weird. A quicker game, this crawl aside, I did all sorts of crawling. I took out a whole bunch of guys until one who I had shot clean charged me and shot me in the leg. A ref, who was standing RIGHT NEXT TO ME, called me out. Boomer seems to get screwed a lot in "Simultaneous Elimination Syndrome" Either that or people can't admit a blue bunny shot them. Hurumph.

My other theory is the Goggle Skinz. Rob, one of the TIP guys who drove down from the Twin Cities for the event, couldn't look at me after a few minutes. It just bothered him that he couldn't see my eyes. The word "Disturbing" came up more than a few times. It may be that too, I'm not sure.

Game three. I was running low on paint for the day (1/2 a case over a weekend, you do the math...) so I finally did what Boomer was destined to do. Play with a PGP. I have a red stock harness, a PGP holster, and tubes. Oh yeah, It looks cool. It was destiny.

Well, game 3 was a moderate disaster. I got bushwhacked hard and while on the retreat, I banged guns with Mark McCann. I bent the ball detent on his Palmer's stock gun. (DAMN!) Not unfixable, but it's still annoying. What's more annoying is the guy I shot in the goggles who ran away and wiped. **sigh** I hate cheaters. The other part is I believe it was the same guy who lit me up moments later. But, fine, whatever.

I'm not bitter. Much. "Leporidae Uber Alles" I'm the better bunny for taking the hit than you were for cheating, and that's my victory. Nyah.

In the interim I ran into Tom Kaye (who thought the Goggle Skinz were just "Too much", he thought they were cool.) Tom let me shoot the prototype "Electro-RT". 200 rounds in a hopper. 10 seconds, it was EMPTY. "Woah" doesn't begin to describe it. VERY sweet... When it comes out it'll be one hell of a gun to play against Angels with.

The last game was on "Short Forts", the mid-way fort and the far hill. The break was tame, and I did my damage with the PGP. I couldn't flank fast enough to get the guys who backdoored us, but I did get a great "Bingo". See, When the flankers got shot out, I saw the opening in the swamp of Sam's and started a grand flank with the intention of going behind the fort to get a flag. I knew I'd have support, because I knew there were about 10 guys on the hill already. I got to the hill, went around behind, hooked up with someone with a Shocker, and tried to climb the hill.

Some guy on the top of the hill sprayed about 150 balls at myself and a guy I was with. (it was 10 seconds of solid shooting, I'm guessing 150 balls...) I had good cover behind a fallen tree, and I watched his paint fly in a line over my head. It was relatively straight, angled down, and consistent. So I put my thumb on the bolt of the PGP, moved about a foot to the right of his line of paint, angled the PGP back at his spot, darted the gun up, pulled the trigger, and pulled it down before he could react.

I was rewarded with that hollow "THOCK" sound of a paintball hitting a goggle lens. "YOU GOT HIM!" the guy next to me exclaimed, amazed. "Bingo."

Anyhow, My wingman got shot while doing someone over the top, and I was about 200 feet from the fort at this time. I froze, listening for my team. Nothing. The ref yelled "5 minutes", so I hoped someone would do something. Nothing. so I started a crawl. Within 70 feet of the flag, and nobody spotted me. With 2 minutes to go, one of the defenders finally saw me, sprayed paint at me but nothing was even close. The game ended to time, but I was where I wanted to be. My guys just weren't in the moos to shoot it up. Oh well.

The Sam's crowd took to Boomer pretty well, except the simultaneous curse I seem to have. But, hey, if they gotta do it then I must be onto something here. All is well on the bunny front. but next time, I'm wearing regular bike shorts and not the Fox padded shorts. I may lose all my decency next time. I learned.

Back to Boomer's Hutch
Back to Splatterzone
Back to Tyger's Den